V Twin BBS - Est. 1996 - Harley Rider's Forum (Forum for Sale) Home 
Home Search search Menu menu Not logged in - Login | Register

Joke of the day...
 Moderated by: Dave Page:  First Page Previous Page  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  ...  Next Page Last Page  
New Topic Reply Printer Friendly
 Rate Topic 
AuthorPost
 Posted: Sun Nov 24th, 2013 09:18 pm
  PMQuoteReply
61st Post
marc
Full Member


Joined: Thu Nov 4th, 2004
Location: Basking Ridge, New Jersey USA
Posts: 4211
Status: 
Offline
Pretty good...

Back To Top

 Posted: Sun Nov 24th, 2013 05:35 pm
  PMQuoteReply
62nd Post
jeffy ole boy
Full Member


Joined: Mon Jan 2nd, 2006
Location: By Bridge On The River, Indiana USA
Posts: 4865
Status: 
Offline
Baby's First Doctor Visit

This made me laugh out loud.
I hope it will give you a smile!

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room,
waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight,
and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed
or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed,' she replied.

'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.

She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed
both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed
examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder
this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.'

'I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma,

But I'm glad I came.'

Back To Top

 Posted: Fri Nov 15th, 2013 06:49 pm
  PMQuoteReply
63rd Post
jeffy ole boy
Full Member


Joined: Mon Jan 2nd, 2006
Location: By Bridge On The River, Indiana USA
Posts: 4865
Status: 
Offline
A man had two of the best seats at the Kentucky basketball game, as he sits down, another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.

"No", he says, "the seat is empty."

"This is incredible!" said the man, "who in their right mind would have a seat like this for a Kentucky ballgame, and not use it?"

He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away.. This is the first KY game we haven't been together since we've been married."

"Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. I guess you couldn't find someone else, a friend or relative or even a neighbor to take the seat?"

The man shakes his head... "No. They're all at the funeral."

Back To Top

 Posted: Sun Nov 3rd, 2013 10:04 am
  PMQuoteReply
64th Post
Dave
Super Moderator


Joined: Wed Nov 3rd, 2004
Location: Monrovia, California USA
Posts: 4233
Status: 
Offline
marc wrote:
During a lady's medical examination, the doctor says:-"Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine.

Now let me see the bit that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."

The lady starts taking off her underwear but is interrupted by the doctor.

"No! No! Don't remove your clothes... Just stick out your tongue!"
That's great!!! LMAO!!!

Back To Top

 Posted: Sat Nov 2nd, 2013 06:42 pm
  PMQuoteReply
65th Post
marc
Full Member


Joined: Thu Nov 4th, 2004
Location: Basking Ridge, New Jersey USA
Posts: 4211
Status: 
Offline
During a lady's medical examination, the doctor says:-"Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine.

Now let me see the bit that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."

The lady starts taking off her underwear but is interrupted by the doctor.

"No! No! Don't remove your clothes... Just stick out your tongue!"

Back To Top

 Posted: Sun Oct 13th, 2013 12:33 pm
  PMQuoteReply
66th Post
weasle1
Full Member


Joined: Sun Sep 21st, 2008
Location: Tiffin, Ohio USA
Posts: 1516
Status: 
Offline
mc donald  went  to  his  friend o malleys  house  to tell  his  wife   he  drowned in a  vat of  guinnis  down at  the  brewery where  they  worked  , she  asked if  he  went  quickly  he  said  no  he  got out  to pee  3  times .

Back To Top

 Posted: Sun Oct 13th, 2013 11:59 am
  PMQuoteReply
67th Post
marc
Full Member


Joined: Thu Nov 4th, 2004
Location: Basking Ridge, New Jersey USA
Posts: 4211
Status: 
Offline
LOOKING FOR WORK

A doctor from Israel says: "In Israel the medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's testicles; we put them into another man, and in 6 weeks he is looking for work."

The German doctor comments: "That's nothing, in Germany we take part of the brain out of a person; we put it into another person's head, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work."

A Russian doctor says: "That's nothing either. In Russia we take out half of the heart from a person; we put it into another person's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for work."

The U.S. doctor answers immediately: "That's nothing my colleagues, you are way behind us....in the USA, about 5 years ago, we grabbed a person from Kenya with no brains, no heart, and no balls....we made him President of the United States, and now....... the whole country is looking for work.

Back To Top

 Posted: Tue Aug 20th, 2013 12:01 am
  PMQuoteReply
68th Post
marc
Full Member


Joined: Thu Nov 4th, 2004
Location: Basking Ridge, New Jersey USA
Posts: 4211
Status: 
Offline
LOL...

Back To Top

 Posted: Mon Aug 19th, 2013 07:17 pm
  PMQuoteReply
69th Post
jeffy ole boy
Full Member


Joined: Mon Jan 2nd, 2006
Location: By Bridge On The River, Indiana USA
Posts: 4865
Status: 
Offline
A redneck went to the hospital, as his wife was having a baby.
Upon arriving, he sat down as the nurse said to him, "Congratulations, your wife has had quintuplets, five big baby boys."

The redneck said, "I'm not surprised. I have a penis the size of a chimney."

The nurse replied, "You might want to consider getting it cleaned. They're all black

Back To Top

 Posted: Mon Jul 29th, 2013 11:56 pm
  PMQuoteReply
70th Post
marc
Full Member


Joined: Thu Nov 4th, 2004
Location: Basking Ridge, New Jersey USA
Posts: 4211
Status: 
Offline
AMA Insight, no matter which side you are on.

The American Medical Association has weighed in on Obama's new health care package. The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception; Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted. Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!" The Psychiatrists saw the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.

Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow. The Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter". The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.

Anesthesiologists thought the whole thing was a gas, and the lofty Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Washington

Back To Top

 Posted: Sun Jul 28th, 2013 01:50 pm
  PMQuoteReply
71st Post
marc
Full Member


Joined: Thu Nov 4th, 2004
Location: Basking Ridge, New Jersey USA
Posts: 4211
Status: 
Offline
SHERIFF EXAM

A young Texan grew up wanting to be a lawman.
He grew up big, 6' 2", strong as a longhorn, and fast as mustang. He could shoot a bottle cap tossed in the air at 40 paces.

When he finally came of age, he applied to where he had only dreamed of working: the West Texas Sheriff's Department.
After a series of tests and interviews, the Chief Deputy finally called him into his office for the young man's last interview.
The Chief Deputy said, "You're a big strong kid and you can really shoot.
So far your qualifications all look good, but we have, what you might call, an "Attitude Suitability Test", that you must take before you can be accepted.

We just don't let anyone carry our badge, son."
Then, sliding a service pistol and a box of ammo across the desk, the Chief said, "Take this pistol and go out and shoot: six illegal aliens, six lawyers, six meth dealers, six Terrorist extremists, six Democrats, and a rabbit."

"Why the rabbit?" queried the applicant.

"You pass," said the Chief Deputy. "When can you start?"

Back To Top

 Posted: Fri Jun 21st, 2013 12:42 am
  PMQuoteReply
72nd Post
marc
Full Member


Joined: Thu Nov 4th, 2004
Location: Basking Ridge, New Jersey USA
Posts: 4211
Status: 
Offline
While hiking down along the border this morning,
I saw a Muslim extremist fall into the Rio Grande River .
He was struggling to stay afloat because of all the guns and bombs he was carrying.
Along with him was a Mexican who was also struggling to stay afloat because
of the large backpack of drugs that was strapped to his back.
If they didn't get help, they'd surely drown.
Being a responsible Arizonian and abiding by the law to help those in distress,
I informed the County Sheriff 's Office and Homeland Security.
It is now 4 PM, both have drowned, and neither authority has responded.
I'm starting to think I wasted two stamps.

Back To Top

 Posted: Thu Jun 20th, 2013 10:05 am
  PMQuoteReply
73rd Post
Dave
Super Moderator


Joined: Wed Nov 3rd, 2004
Location: Monrovia, California USA
Posts: 4233
Status: 
Offline
marc wrote:
A Chinese guy goes into a Jewish-owned establishment to buy black bras, size 38. The Jewish store keeper, known for his skills as a businessman, says that black bras are rare and that he is finding it very difficult to buy them from his suppliers. Therefore he has to charge $50.00 for them.

The Chinese guy buys 25 bras.

He returns a few days later and this time orders fifty.

The Jewish owner tells him that they have become even harder to get and charges him $60.00 each.

The Chinese guy returns a month later and buys the store's remaining stock of
50, and this time for $75.00 each. The Jewish owner is somewhat puzzled by the large demand for black size 38 bras and asks the Chinese guy, "...please tell me - What do you do with all these black bras?"

The Chinese guy answers: "I cut them in half and sell them as skull caps to Jewish men for $200.00 each."
LMAO!!

Back To Top

 Posted: Thu Jun 20th, 2013 12:55 am
  PMQuoteReply
74th Post
marc
Full Member


Joined: Thu Nov 4th, 2004
Location: Basking Ridge, New Jersey USA
Posts: 4211
Status: 
Offline
A Chinese guy goes into a Jewish-owned establishment to buy black bras, size 38. The Jewish store keeper, known for his skills as a businessman, says that black bras are rare and that he is finding it very difficult to buy them from his suppliers. Therefore he has to charge $50.00 for them.

The Chinese guy buys 25 bras.

He returns a few days later and this time orders fifty.

The Jewish owner tells him that they have become even harder to get and charges him $60.00 each.

The Chinese guy returns a month later and buys the store's remaining stock of
50, and this time for $75.00 each. The Jewish owner is somewhat puzzled by the large demand for black size 38 bras and asks the Chinese guy, "...please tell me - What do you do with all these black bras?"

The Chinese guy answers: "I cut them in half and sell them as skull caps to Jewish men for $200.00 each."

Back To Top

 Posted: Thu May 30th, 2013 12:08 am
  PMQuoteReply
75th Post
marc
Full Member


Joined: Thu Nov 4th, 2004
Location: Basking Ridge, New Jersey USA
Posts: 4211
Status: 
Offline
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

He asked, 'What are all those clocks?'

St. Peter answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.'

'Oh,' said the man, 'whose clock is that?' 'That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.'

'Incredible,' said the man.

'And whose clock is that one?'

St. Peter responded, 'That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life.'

'Do you have one for President Obama?' asked the man.

'Obama's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan.'

Back To Top

 Posted: Sun May 26th, 2013 02:46 pm
  PMQuoteReply
76th Post
marc
Full Member


Joined: Thu Nov 4th, 2004
Location: Basking Ridge, New Jersey USA
Posts: 4211
Status: 
Offline
The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all very excited.


Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on salesmanship.


Little Sally led off. "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30" she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good", said the teacher.

Little Debbie was next. "I sold magazines" she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."

"Very good, Debbie", said the teacher.


Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467", he said.


"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"

Toothbrushes", said Little Johnny. "Toothbrushes", echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"


"I found the busiest corner in town", said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip &Chip stand and I gave everybody who walked by a free sample."

They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog poop!" Then I would say, "It is dog poop. Wanna buy a toothbrush? I used the President Obama method of giving you some crap, dressing it up so it looks good, telling you it's free and then making you pay to get the bad taste out of your mouth."

Back To Top

 Posted: Fri May 10th, 2013 12:15 am
  PMQuoteReply
77th Post
jeffy ole boy
Full Member


Joined: Mon Jan 2nd, 2006
Location: By Bridge On The River, Indiana USA
Posts: 4865
Status: 
Offline
I liked that Lie Dectector one... LOL!!

Back To Top

 Posted: Fri May 10th, 2013 12:12 am
  PMQuoteReply
78th Post
marc
Full Member


Joined: Thu Nov 4th, 2004
Location: Basking Ridge, New Jersey USA
Posts: 4211
Status: 
Offline
My sensuous wife..........

"Have you ever seen a twenty dollar bill all crumpled up?" asked the wife.

"No," I said.

She gave me a sexy little smile,slowly reached into her cleavage and pulled out a crumpled twenty dollar bill.

"Have you ever seen a fifty dollar bill all crumpled up?" she asked.

"No," I said.

She gave me another sexy little smile,seductively reached into her panties and pulled out a crumpled fifty dollar bill.

"Now," she said, "Have you ever seen 30,000 dollars all crumpled up?"

"No," I said, intrigued.

"Well, go and take a quick look in the garage."

Back To Top

 Posted: Fri May 10th, 2013 12:11 am
  PMQuoteReply
79th Post
marc
Full Member


Joined: Thu Nov 4th, 2004
Location: Basking Ridge, New Jersey USA
Posts: 4211
Status: 
Offline
Lie Detector:

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps you when you lie. He decides to test it out on his son at supper.
Dad says: "Where were you last night?"
Son says: "I was at the library."
The robot slaps the son...
SON says "OK, I was at a friend’s house."
"Doing what?" asked the father.
SON says: "Watching a movie. Toy Story."
The robot slaps the son...
"OK it was porn!" cried the son.
Father yells "What? When I was your age I didn't know what porn was..."
The robot slaps the father...
The mother laughs and says "He certainly is your son."
The robot slaps the mother...

Back To Top

 Posted: Sun Apr 7th, 2013 09:39 pm
  PMQuoteReply
80th Post
weasle1
Full Member


Joined: Sun Sep 21st, 2008
Location: Tiffin, Ohio USA
Posts: 1516
Status: 
Offline
LMAO ,now  dats  funny  !!!

Back To Top


 Current time is 06:25 pm
Page:  First Page Previous Page  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  ...  Next Page Last Page  

Top



UltraBB 1.172 Copyright © 2007-2016 Data 1 Systems
Page processed in 0.2714 seconds (44% database + 56% PHP). 26 queries executed.