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Mikey
Supporter
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Posted: Wed Feb 15th, 2006 09:04 pm |
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Babe wrote: weasle wrote: know why a dog licks his ass after ya feed him limburger ? cause it tasts better than the cheese! *groan* Weasle is gonna get limburger 50 bucks sez he cant lick his ass tho..LMAO
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Babe
Supporter
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Posted: Wed Feb 15th, 2006 08:45 pm |
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weasle wrote: know why a dog licks his ass after ya feed him limburger ? cause it tasts better than the cheese! *groan* Weasle is gonna get limburger
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weasle
Supporter
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Posted: Wed Feb 15th, 2006 08:07 pm |
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| know why a dog licks his ass after ya feed him limburger ? cause it tasts better than the cheese! *groan* Last edited on Wed Feb 15th, 2006 08:09 pm by weasle |
marc
Supporter
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Posted: Wed Feb 15th, 2006 07:59 pm |
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Q. Why do dogs lick their balls?
A. Because they can.....
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jeffy ole boy
Supporter
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Posted: Wed Feb 15th, 2006 07:57 pm |
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| HA! LMAO, You all are just full of it today aint ya?
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weasle
Supporter
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Posted: Wed Feb 15th, 2006 07:54 pm |
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| two guys walkin down the street see a dog sittin on the sidewalk likin his ass . first guy says i wish i could do that, second guy says dont ya think you ought to pet him first.
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jeffy ole boy
Supporter
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Posted: Wed Feb 15th, 2006 07:38 pm |
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| That terrible! LOL but funny
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Dave
Supporter
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Posted: Wed Feb 15th, 2006 06:58 pm |
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An old couple were sitting in Church and the wife noticed that people were staring at her.
She leaned across to her husband and whispered, "I've just let go a silent fart. What do you think I should do?"
He said, "I think you should get fresh batteries for your hearing aid."
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ironhead
Prospect
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Posted: Wed Feb 15th, 2006 04:44 pm |
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Bad sex...Yes there is sutch a thing
Truth may be stranger than fiction, but some things are just too strange...
FLAGSTAFF, AZ: A pre-med student from the University of Arizona was looking to score big with his date on a Friday night. Determined to put the girl in the mood, he drove her up to a spot on Mount Lemmon which overlooked the city of Tucson. They walked to an open knoll where they could see the city lights.
Overcome by the romantic locale, she succumbed to his pleas and they stripped down, made a bed of their clothes, and passionately began making love. The heavy storm clouds rolling overhead and the low rumble of thunder inside them excited the lovers even more. At the first few flashes of lightning, they never looked up to see the charred remains of once great trees.
Their idyllic clearing was a hotbed of electrical activity during the warm desert nights. With a blinding light, a bolt of lightning struck the high point on the knoll, which happened to be the pre-med student's ass, and sought the path of least resistance --- straight down! Incredibly, he survived, but was in excruciating pain. The heat of the lightning had fused together flesh and latex so that the lovers were now stuck together like a pair of dogs. The girl, unfortunately, did NOT survive the lightning strike!
When the student looked down into the vacant eyes of his girlfriend and realized she was dead, his immediate repulsion caused him to jerk away from her, which of course, he couldn't! A wave of pain and nausea made him vomit into the girl's face and open mouth! Heaving only caused more pain and repeated vomiting until he finally passed out.
Attracted by the smell of "food," a bear found its way to the Siamese lovers and began to lick semi-digested pizza and buffalo wings from the dead girl's face. The student came to, but when he saw the bear, there was little he could do but lay there silently in fear. To his horror, the bear became dissatisfied with just a lick and started to eat the girl, loudly crunching her facial bones only inches from his ear. The bear also tasted the student, scraping the back of his skull with its teeth, before moving on.
Around mid-morning a group of junior girl scouts, up for a fun weekend camp-out, arrived at the campsite where the pre-med student's car was parked. It was only a matter of minutes before three screaming girls discovered the student, who had regained consciousness several times in the night and had managed to drag himself and the partially-eaten girl about 20-feet.
Doctors managed to "successfully" separate the student from the corpse, but Mr. Happy looked like a small piece of cauliflower in its flaccid state. The first hint of arousal resulted in so much pain, that the student was unable-- -and unwilling- --to achieve an erection. Future surgeries may produce a reasonably functioning penis, but the student's family jewels, referred to by the doctors as the "scrotum mass," are irreparable.
Although most Darwin Awards are supposed to be won posthumously, we think this guy deserves consideration since he successfully removed himself from the gene pool.
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Dave
Supporter
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Posted: Wed Feb 15th, 2006 02:06 pm |
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Another one from Stu's board...
A widower who never paid any attention to his wife while she was alive now found himself missing her desperately. So he went to a psychic to see if he could contact his late wife. The psychic went into a trance. A strange breeze wafted through the darkened room, and suddenly, the man heard the unmistakable voice of his departed wife.
"Honey!" he cried. "Is that you?"
"Yes, my husband."
"Are you happy?"
"Yes, my husband."
"Happier than you were with me?"
"Yes, my husband... much happier!"
"Then Heaven must be an amazing place."
"I'm not in Heaven."
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Dave
Supporter
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Posted: Wed Feb 15th, 2006 11:06 am |
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I don't understand. After the last child was born, she told me we had to cut back on expenses, I had to give up drinking beer. I was not a big drinker maybe a 12 pack on weekends. Anyway, I gave it up but I noticed the other day she came home from grocery shopping and when I looked at the receipt and saw $45 in makeup.
I said, "Wait a minute I've given up beer and you haven't given up anything!"
She said, "I buy that makeup for you, so I can look pretty for you."
I told her, "Hell, that's what the beer was for!"
I don't think she'll be back
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zippo
Supporter
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Posted: Tue Feb 14th, 2006 03:38 pm |
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Subject: SEX AFTER DEATH
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform
the other of the after life. Their biggest fear was that there was no after
life.
After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and
true to his word he made contact,
"Mary Mary. .."
"Is that you, Fred?"
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."
"What's it like?"
Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast, off to the
golf course, I have sex. I bathe
in the sun, and then I have sex twice.
I have lunch, another romp around the golf course,
then sex pretty much all afternoon.
After supper, golf course again. Then have sex until late at night.
The next day it starts again."
"Oh, Fred you surely must be in heaven."
"Not exactly,
I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona."
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zippo
Supporter
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Posted: Mon Feb 13th, 2006 06:27 pm |
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It doesn't matter what party you are, this is funny.
This monologue was taken from a show on Canadian TV, during which a black comedian
said he missed Bill Clinton.
"Yep, that's right - I miss Bill Clinton! He was the closest thing we ever got
to having a black man as President.
Number 1- He played the sax.
Number 2- He smoked weed.
Number 3- He had his way with ugly white women.
Even now? Look at him... his wife works, and he don't!
And, he gets a check from the government every month.
Manufacturers announced today that they will be stocking America's
shelves this week with "Clinton Soup," in honor of one of the nations'
most distinguished men. It consists primarily of a weenie in hot water.
Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill
Clinton: The Dodge Drafter. The Drafter will be built in Canada.
When asked what he thought about foreign affairs, Clinton replied, I
don't know, I never had one, yet."
Clinton lacked only three things to become one of America's finest
leaders: integrity, vision, wisdom.
Clinton was doing the work of three men: Larry, Moe and Curly.
The Clinton revised judicial oath: "I solemnly swear to tell the truth
as I know it, the whole truth as I believe it to be, and nothing but
what I think you need to know."
Clinton will be recorded in history as the only President to do Hanky
Panky between the Bushes.
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Sun Feb 12th, 2006 08:38 pm |
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You may have seen this...
"PRESIDENT JOB OUTSOURCED"
Washington -- Congress today announced that the office of President of the United States of America will be outsourced to India as of December 31, 2006. The move is being made to save the President's $400,000 yearly salary, and also a record $521 billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead the office has incurred during the last five years.
"We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost savings should be significant," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). Reynolds, with the aid of the Government Accounting Office, has studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively. "We cannot expect to remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash outlay," Reynolds noted.
Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of his termination. Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time. Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be assuming the office of President as of January 1, 2007.
Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month but with no health coverage or other benefits.
It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job Responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference between the U.S. and India, he will be working primarily at night, when few offices of the U.S. Government will be open. "Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the American Express call center," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President."
A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should not be a problem because Mr. Bush was not familiar with the issues either. Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using these pre-prepared responses, he can address common concerns without having to understand the underlying issues at all.
"We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson. "President Bush has used them successfully for years." Mr. Singh may have problems with the Texas drawl, but lately Mr. Bush has abandoned the "down home" persona in his effort to appear intelligent and on top of the Katrina situation.
Mr. Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day of employment. Following a two-week waiting period, he will be eligible for $240 a week unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit.
Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new position due to limited practical work experience. A greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Mr. Bush's extensive experience shaking hands and phony smile
Another possibility is Mr. Bush's re-enlistment in the Texas Air National Guard. His prior records are conspicuously vague, but should he choose this option, he would likely be stationed in Waco, TX for a month before being sent to Iraq, a country he has visited. "I've been there, I know all about Iraq," stated Mr. Bush, who gained invaluable knowledge of the country in a visit he once made to the Baghdad Airport's terminal and gift shop.
Don't forget your sense of humor... LOL
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ironhead
Prospect
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Posted: Sat Feb 11th, 2006 06:34 am |
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Thanks for the welcome all. It'a a peppy little bike, ridgid frame, dual plugged, S&S carb etc. Nothing real fancy. Bought it as a semi basket case.
Here's a good one
W and the Devil
George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the
devil is waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You're on my list but I
have no room for you, but you definitely have to stay here, so I'll
tell you what I'm going to do. I've got 3 people here who weren't
quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take
their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed. The devil
opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of
water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over
and over. Such was his fate in hell.
No! George said. I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and don't
think I could do that all day long.
The devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a
sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that
hammer, time after time after time.
No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant
agony if all I could do was break rocks all day, commented George.
The devil opened a third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying
naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs
staked in spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky,
doing what she does best.
George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said,
Yeah, I can handle this.
The devil smiled and said.... "Monica, you're free to go!"
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Babe
Supporter
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Posted: Sat Feb 11th, 2006 03:46 am |
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Abo wrote: Babe wrote:
about eleven years
Hey Miss Babe. why is in this in Joke of the day?.LMAO. Oh no forgot note to self already .Abo I dunno....LOL....its prolly Jeff's fault! LOL He was so busy over in the other post trying to go neener neener, we couldnt get a word in over there....LMAO! j/k Jeff!
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Abo
Supporter
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Posted: Sat Feb 11th, 2006 03:43 am |
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Babe wrote:
about eleven years
Hey Miss Babe. why is in this in Joke of the day?.LMAO. Oh no forgot note to self already .Abo
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Babe
Supporter
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Posted: Sat Feb 11th, 2006 03:39 am |
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| about eleven years
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jeffy ole boy
Supporter
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Posted: Sat Feb 11th, 2006 03:36 am |
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| Have you had that '74 Sporty a long time Babe?
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Babe
Supporter
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Posted: Sat Feb 11th, 2006 03:14 am |
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jeffy ole boy wrote: Hello Ironhead! I've learned alot from you already and we've never spoke! HHhHAAhaaaa!! Some interesting facts you posted there.. no doubt! I sold a '74 Ironhead Sporty about 1 1/2 yrs ago. It was a good ole bike. Shifter on the right. Kick and elec. start. Had it about 2 yrs and sold it for $4000. Had about $5,500 in it. But I got that much $ in fun out it.  You say you live in CA?
I have a 74.....will never let it go!
Ironhead.....just so ya know.....there is a "NWS"(not work safe) place at the bottom of the board for the nasty stuff.....pics n whatnot......so anyone at work wont get in trouble...
And of course if you decide to become a supporter.....there is always the guys favorite up there "amazing babes" *rolls eyes*
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