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marc
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Posted: Mon Jan 17th, 2005 06:42 pm |
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marc
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Posted: Thu Jan 6th, 2005 07:51 pm |
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Last edited on Thu Jan 6th, 2005 07:58 pm by marc |
marc
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Posted: Wed Jan 5th, 2005 03:35 pm |
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Last edited on Thu Jan 6th, 2005 06:58 pm by marc |
marc
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Posted: Tue Jan 4th, 2005 04:44 pm |
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Afternoon nap.
"Of course some officers train their dogs
to go for the throat!"
"How long have you been in?"
Last edited on Tue Jan 4th, 2005 04:49 pm by marc |
marc
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Posted: Sat Jan 1st, 2005 09:30 pm |
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"Aren't you done yet? How hard is it to draw an eagle and
a snake? I should have gone somewhere else!
What are you stupid? Hurry up you moron!"
If you look, this fool is barefoot, on a metal ladder
in a pool with an electric drill.
"Hey babe, the contraceptive foam
is supposed to go inside of me!"
"Be careful! I hear there's a pervert in the building!"
How To Launch a JetSki
You've got an SUV - you don't no stinking
trailer. Just fold the seats down, load your
jet ski into the back and drive to the water
Open the doors and back into the water.
Back in far enough that your SUV starts to
fill with water. When it is about half way full
of water, your jet ski should float right out.
It helps to have a friend point and remind
you the way back to the land (dry stuff).
If you drive the wrong way, your SUV will
fill up with water. Important - you must get
out or you will drown (that's a bad thing).
If your SUV does completely submerge,
leave it there. The next person may hit it
with their boat and you can sue them. You
can then go to court and tell everyone how
completely stupid you are.
Last edited on Sat Jan 1st, 2005 09:50 pm by marc |
marc
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Posted: Fri Dec 31st, 2004 03:34 pm |
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Last edited on Fri Dec 31st, 2004 03:43 pm by marc |
Vero Steve
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Posted: Tue Dec 28th, 2004 01:24 pm |
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| Damn that was an old post.....Thats amazing Willie......She's back down here for the Holidays haunting me all over again..........LOL
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WILLIE
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Posted: Tue Dec 28th, 2004 01:21 pm |
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Vero Steve wrote:
My MIL IS the wicked witch of the north ( Montreal ).....When she was down here for her yearly haunt, I told her she just hasn't been the same since they dropped that house on her sister.......See didn't get it......I just hope she stays in Canada.......Sorry Willie.....
MONTREAL IS IN QUEBEC,NOT IN CANADA-----LOL
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marc
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Posted: Mon Dec 27th, 2004 05:17 pm |
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A guy found a magic lamp and naturally, rubbed it. The genie popped out and said, "I'll grant you any wish you want."
The guy thought and thought and finally gave his answer, "I want to be hard all the time and get all the ass I want." "As you wish," the genie replied.
So, the genie turned him into a toilet seat...
A pheasant was standing in a field chatting to a bull.
"I would love to be able to get to the top of yonder tree', sighed the pheasant, 'but I haven't got the energy'.
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. 'They're packed with nutrients'.
The pheasant pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. And so on. Finally, after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Whereupon he was spotted by a farmer who dashed into the farmhouse, emerged with a shotgun, and shot the pheasant right out of the tree.
The Moral of the Story: Bullshit might get you to the top,...but it won't keep you there!
1. When I go in I might cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. What am I?
2. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?
3. I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes lick my nuts. What am I?
4. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard. What am I?
5. All day long, it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?
6. I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good. What am I?
7. If I miss, I hit your bush. It's my job to stuff your box. When I come, it's news. What am I?
8. I offer protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off. What am I?
9. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I'm called a big swinger. What am I?
10. This useful tool, commonly found in the range of 6 inches long. The functioning of which is enjoyed by members of both sexes, is usually found hung, dangling loosely, ready for instant action. It boasts of a clump of little hairy things at one end and a small hole at the other.
In use, it is quickly inserted, almost always willingly, some-times slowly sometime quickly, into a warm, fleshy, moist opening where it is thrust in and drawn out again and again many times in succession, often quickly and accompanied by squirming bodily movements. Anyone found listening in will most surely recognise the rhythmic, pulsing sound, resulting from the well lubricated movements.
When finally withdrawn, it leaves behind a juicy, frothy, sticky white substance, some of which will need cleaning from the outer surfaces of the opening and some from its long glistening shaft. After everything is done and the flowing and cleansing liquids have ceased emanating, it is returned to its freely hanging state of rest, ready for yet another bit of action, hopefully reaching its bristling climax twice or three times a day, but often much less. What is it?
ANSWERS:
1. A dentist
2. A wedding ring
3. Peanut Butter
4. A Chewing Gum
5. An elevator
6. A nose
7. A newspaper boy
8. A glove
9. A Crane
10. A toothbrush, of course
SCORING:
0-1 YIKES!
2-4 Get your mind out of the gutter!
5-7 Good job.
8-10 Do you know what sex is?
Last edited on Mon Dec 27th, 2004 05:18 pm by marc |
marc
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Posted: Tue Dec 21st, 2004 03:01 pm |
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| I will add some to your collection. See NWS too. Last edited on Tue Dec 21st, 2004 03:51 pm by marc |
marc
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Posted: Mon Dec 20th, 2004 04:12 pm |
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Here is the LOST CHAPTER IN GENESIS....
Adam was walking around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked him, "What is wrong with you?"
Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.
He said, "This person will gather food for you, cook for you, and when you discover clothing she'll wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it."
Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"
God replied, "An arm and a leg."
Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
The rest is history....
Great Loss
George W. Bush was visiting an elementary school, and the 4th grade class he sat through began a discussion related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the class in a discussion of the word "tragedy." So, George W. asked the class for an example of a tragedy.
One boy stood up and said, "If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him over, that would be a tragedy."
"No," said Bush, "that would be an accident."
A girl raised her hand and said, "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone on board, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," the President said. "That's what we would call a Great Loss."
The room went silent. No other children volunteered. President Bush searched the room and asked, "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally, way in the back of the room, Johnny raised his hand, and in a quiet voice, he said, "If Air Force One, carrying Mr. and Mrs. Bush, was struck by a missile and blown up to smithereens, THAT would be a tragedy."
"That's right! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?" asked the President.
"Well," Johnny said, "because it wouldn't be an accident and it sure as hell wouldn’t be a Great Loss..."
Last edited on Mon Dec 20th, 2004 06:27 pm by marc |
Randy in Pensacola
Supporter
| Joined: | Wed Nov 3rd, 2004 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 800 |
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Posted: Mon Dec 20th, 2004 03:23 pm |
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Two blondes were up in the far north woods, out looking for a Christmas
tree. They were all bundled up from head to toe, carrying their
hatchets and a coil of rope to tie on and drag it back. They had
thought of everything. They were all set ... but they couldn't find
the right tree.
They searched for hours, slogging through knee-deep snow. The wind was
blowing and the wolves were howling, but they persevered. Had to get
that Christmas tree.
Finally, as the sun was beginning to head downward, one turned to the
other and said, "That's it! I've had enough! The next tree we come to,
we're going to cut it down, whether it's decorated or not!
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marc
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Posted: Mon Dec 20th, 2004 02:29 pm |
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Mon Dec 20th, 2004 02:17 pm |
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| Thanx Babe.
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Babe
Supporter
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Posted: Mon Dec 20th, 2004 02:10 pm |
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Here ya go guys...take out your Christmas frustrations! LOL
http://www.jokaroo.com/ecards/holidays/christmas/shakingsnowglobe.html
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Sat Dec 18th, 2004 02:55 pm |
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I'm your daughters new boyfriend!!!
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Babe
Supporter
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Posted: Thu Dec 16th, 2004 08:35 pm |
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ROTFLMAO!!
Good one Andy.....
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Andy
Supporter
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Posted: Thu Dec 16th, 2004 08:14 pm |
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| Mickey likes cheese doesn't he???
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Vero Steve
Supporter
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Posted: Thu Dec 16th, 2004 07:52 pm |
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| Sorry Mikey I fat fingered the keyboard........
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Babe
Supporter
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Posted: Thu Dec 16th, 2004 05:26 pm |
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LMAO Steve!! You just gave Mikey a new nickname......hehe
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