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empty
Supporter
| Joined: | Tue Jun 28th, 2005 |
| Location: | Plano, Texas USA |
| Posts: | 1346 |
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Posted: Wed Dec 12th, 2007 10:55 am |
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Dave wrote: Why is it when a man talks dirty to a woman, its "Sexual harassment"?
But, when a woman talks dirty to a man, its $3.99 a minute? It's all in the marketing.
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Dave
Supporter
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Posted: Wed Dec 12th, 2007 10:33 am |
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Why is it when a man talks dirty to a woman, its "Sexual harassment"?
But, when a woman talks dirty to a man, its $3.99 a minute?
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jeffy ole boy
Supporter
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Posted: Mon Dec 10th, 2007 02:21 pm |
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A Doctors' Convention
>
> A Japanese doctor says, "Medicine in Japan is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another,
> & have him out looking for work in six weeks."
>
> A German doctor says, "That is nothing.
> In Germany we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, & have him out looking for work in four weeks.
>
> A British doctor says, "In England medicine is so advanced that we can take out half a heart of one person, put it in another, & have both of them out looking for work in two weeks."
>
> The American doctor, not to be outdone, interjected, "You gentlemen are way behind.
> We are about to take a woman with no brains,
> send her to Washington where she will become President, & then half the country will be out looking for work."
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Randy in Pensacola
Supporter
| Joined: | Wed Nov 3rd, 2004 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 800 |
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Posted: Sun Dec 9th, 2007 10:55 pm |
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You will like this one!
>>
>> Three men - a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden and a Texan are all
>> working together one day.
>>
>> They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.
>>
>> "I wil l give each on you one wish, which is three wishes in total",
>> says the Genie.
>>
>> The Canadian says, "I am a farmer and my son will also farm. I want the
>> land to be forever fertile in Canada ."
>>
>> POOF! With the blink of the Genie's eye,
>> the land in Canada was forever fertile for farming.
>>
>> Osama was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan ,
>> Palestine , Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Americans or Canadians
>> can
>> come in to our precious land."
>>
>> POOF! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall
>> around those countries.
>>
>> The Texan says, "I am very curious. Please tell me more about this
>> wall."
>>
>> The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 5,000 feet high, 5oo feet thick
>> and
>> completely surrounds the country. Nothing can get in or out; it's
>> virtually impenetrable.
>>
>>
>> The Texan sits down, cracks a beer, smiles, and says, "Fill that bitch
>> full with water."
>>
>>
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Sat Dec 8th, 2007 01:34 pm |
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Bill and Sam, two elderly friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.
One day Bill didn't show up. Sam didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something. But after Bill hadn't shown up For a week or so, Sam really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam didn't know where Bill lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.
A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Bill, But one day, Sam approached the park and -- lo and behold! --there sat Bill! Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then He said, "For crying out loud Bill, what in the world happened to you?"
Bill replied, "I have been in jail."
"Jail?" cried Sam. "What in the world for?"
"Well," Bill said, "you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometime go?"
"Yeah," said Sam, "I remember her. What about her?"
"Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pled 'guilty'.
The judge gave me 30 days for perjury."
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Mikey
Supporter
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Posted: Thu Dec 6th, 2007 08:02 pm |
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empty wrote: jeffy ole boy wrote: Dave wrote: I gotta think so...LOL... Boring Winter day for me today can you tell? LMAO!! The last thing people are wanting to do is look at houses in the cold today it seems... Hope this is not a trend!
Well Jeff, if it gets all that boring for you, you can always spend a little time and build one of these;
http://www.chilloutzone.de/files/player.swf?b=10&l=197&u=ILLUMllSOOAvIF//P_LxP92A42lCHCeeWCejXnHAS/c
Well I know I killed a good few minutes just watching it..LOL..You sure that aint GOC's house???
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jeffy ole boy
Supporter
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Posted: Thu Dec 6th, 2007 07:10 pm |
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empty wrote: jeffy ole boy wrote: Dave wrote: I gotta think so...LOL... Boring Winter day for me today can you tell? LMAO!! The last thing people are wanting to do is look at houses in the cold today it seems... Hope this is not a trend!
Well Jeff, if it gets all that boring for you, you can always spend a little time and build one of these;
http://www.chilloutzone.de/files/player.swf?b=10&l=197&u=ILLUMllSOOAvIF//P_LxP92A42lCHCeeWCejXnHAS/c
NEVER SEEN SO MANY CONTRAPTIONS... WOULDN'T KNOW WHERE TO START ??? lol!
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empty
Supporter
| Joined: | Tue Jun 28th, 2005 |
| Location: | Plano, Texas USA |
| Posts: | 1346 |
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Posted: Thu Dec 6th, 2007 01:30 pm |
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Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy
all yeer. yer Frend, BiLLy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care.
How about I send you a friggin' book so you can learn to read
and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At
least HE can spell!
Santa
________________________________________
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for
is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
________________________________________
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like
for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what
you can do.
Love, Teddy
Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in
a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back
to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to
give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
Santa
________________________________________
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a
dog, a drum set, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis
Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay;
I'll set you up with a Barbie.
Santa
----------------------------------------------
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left
carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my
face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor?
Leave me a bottle of scotch.
Santa
________________________________________
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy
making toys?
Your friend, Thomas
Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas,
where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films.
I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses
of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table.
Hey, you wanted to know.
Santa
----------------------------------------
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when
we're awake, like in the song?
Love, Jessica
Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible or are you just a blonde? Good
luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
Santa
________________________________________
Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please
PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy
Timmy,
That whiney begging shit may work with your over-indulgent
folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a
sweater again.
Santa
________________________________________
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do
you get into our home?
Love, Marky
Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're
getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live
in a house; you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third,
I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through
your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams, Santa
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empty
Supporter
| Joined: | Tue Jun 28th, 2005 |
| Location: | Plano, Texas USA |
| Posts: | 1346 |
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Posted: Thu Dec 6th, 2007 01:21 pm |
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Dave wrote: A Professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first year medical students. Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"
She replied, "Probably deer hunting with his buddies."
The professor laughed so hard he could not continue with the lecture. I can relate to that.
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Dave
Supporter
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Posted: Thu Dec 6th, 2007 01:14 pm |
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A Professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first year medical students. Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"
She replied, "Probably deer hunting with his buddies."
The professor laughed so hard he could not continue with the lecture.
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Dave
Supporter
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Posted: Thu Dec 6th, 2007 12:27 pm |
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I love that shirt!!
I posted that awhile back. GOC either bought one or had one made! LMAO!!
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marc
Supporter
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Posted: Thu Dec 6th, 2007 11:55 am |
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"Redneck wheel of fortune shirt"
Hope you enjoy this as much as I did.. Can you read between the lines??
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Dave
Supporter
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Posted: Thu Dec 6th, 2007 10:39 am |
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There was a man who really took care of his body. One day he took a look in the mirror and noticed that he was tan all over except for his penis. So he decided to do something about it. He went to the beach and got completely undressed and buried himself in the sand, except for his penis, which he left sticking out.
Two old ladies were strolling along the beach, one using a cane. Upon seeing the thing sticking up out of the sand, she began to move it around with her cane, remarking to the other lady, ''There is no justice in this world.'' The other lady asked what she meant.
"Well, when I was 20, I was curious about it. When I was 30, I enjoyed it. When I was 40, I asked for it. When I was 50, I paid for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot all about it. Now I'm 80 and the damn things are growing wild and I'm too old to squat!"
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jeffy ole boy
Supporter
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Posted: Thu Dec 6th, 2007 01:39 am |
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[size=An Amish farmer walking through his field, notices a man drinking from his pond.
]][size=
]][size=The Amishman shouts: "Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen."
Which means: "Don't drink the water, the cows have shit in it."
The man shouts back: "I'm a Muslim, I don't understand. Please speak in English."
The Amishman says: "Use two hands,You'll get more."]]
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jeffy ole boy
Supporter
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Posted: Wed Dec 5th, 2007 08:51 pm |
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Dave wrote: I gotta think so...LOL... Boring Winter day for me today can you tell? LMAO!! The last thing people are wanting to do is look at houses in the cold today it seems... Hope this is not a trend!
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Dave
Supporter
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Posted: Wed Dec 5th, 2007 08:43 pm |
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| I gotta think so...LOL...
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jeffy ole boy
Supporter
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Posted: Wed Dec 5th, 2007 08:41 pm |
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| No, gotta beard right now. I think your point is if you shave everyday then its a habit you get into. Maybe a little different area with the opposite sex but pretty much the same concept right?
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Dave
Supporter
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Posted: Wed Dec 5th, 2007 08:31 pm |
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jeffy ole boy wrote:
Dave wrote: jeffy ole boy wrote:
Why do women have pubic hair anyway?
Women have pubic hair? Oh yeah, my Ex-OL did...
It's a funny as hell subject to me! LMAO!! I think it should be standard that they are all hairless or shaved. My little woman complains it'll itch too much! Wa waa waaaaa!!!
Its called "Maintenance" Jeff...
You shave your face every morning, right?
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jeffy ole boy
Supporter
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Posted: Wed Dec 5th, 2007 08:15 pm |
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Dave wrote: jeffy ole boy wrote:
Why do women have pubic hair anyway?
Women have pubic hair? Oh yeah, my Ex-OL did...
It's a funny as hell subject to me! LMAO!! I think it should be standard that they are all hairless or shaved. My little woman complains it'll itch too much! Wa waa waaaaa!!!
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Dave
Supporter
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Posted: Wed Dec 5th, 2007 08:08 pm |
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jeffy ole boy wrote:
Why do women have pubic hair anyway?
Women have pubic hair? Oh yeah, my Ex-OL did...
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