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marc
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Posted: Wed Dec 1st, 2004 07:21 pm |
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TOP TEN THINGS MEN WOULD DO IF THEY WOKE UP WITH A VAGINA FOR A DAY...
10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.
9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.
8. See if they could finally do the splits.
7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.
6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.
5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes ... BEFORE closing time.
4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.
3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.
2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.
1. Finally find that damned G-spot.
TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND...
10. Cats' facial expressions
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds
7. Fat clothes
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time
5. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell
4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow
3. Eyelash curlers
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made
1. OTHER WOMEN
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marc
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Posted: Wed Dec 1st, 2004 01:37 pm |
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Little Johnny raises his hand, and with a confident smile he blurts out, "You'd be his wife!"
LMAO.....Little Johnny gets a gold star!
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Babe
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Posted: Wed Dec 1st, 2004 12:10 am |
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| You goof Dave.....lol I will look at work tomorrow...k? After a quick search here at home, all I can find is red white and blue foil balloons....LOL They are pretty cheap, but would prolly fall apart right away! I have a company catalog at work, for a place that makes custom balloons....will look for ya. *rolls eyes*
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Babe
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Posted: Tue Nov 30th, 2004 11:37 pm |
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Oh ya had to ask didnt ya Dave?.....LOL....we can actually get custom made balloons!! So yeah we could actually get those for ya.....but they aint cheap!!! In fact they are outrageously priced! LOL...leave it to you Dave!
Ya know....a good idea for Randy.....since he is cranky with the no-smoking thing going on......we attach those rocket/balloons to his truck(or pontoon...lol) and I will cut some decals for his truck....that say "I AM TRYING TO QUIT SMOKING.....BACK OFF"
I couldnt have been a little more creative.....but this IS the general posts.....use your imagination!! lol......just kidding with ya Randy...yer doin great...hang in there!!! I need to be next!! ;-) Then watch out!! PMS & Nic cravings mixed.....whoooohooo!
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marc
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Posted: Tue Nov 30th, 2004 04:58 pm |
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| Definately an attention getter.
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marc
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Posted: Tue Nov 30th, 2004 04:12 pm |
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| God bless em.... I'm sure some sucker out there will give it a shot.
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Randy in Pensacola
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| Joined: | Wed Nov 3rd, 2004 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 800 |
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Posted: Tue Nov 30th, 2004 04:04 pm |
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http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=50341&item=5938873003&rd=1&ssPageName=WDVW
If he can get paid for this, I think we found what we can do to be rich.... We all have wives that love to give thier opinion for free........Now all we have to say is "Baby, shut up unless you are being paid for it" We dont give free samples.........LOL........I need a smoke.....
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marc
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Posted: Mon Nov 29th, 2004 06:11 pm |
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A Highway Patrolman waited outside a popular biker bar, hoping for a bust. At closing time everyone come out and he spotted his potential quarry. The man was so obviously inebriated that he could barely walk. He stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, looking for his motorcycle.
After trying his keys on five other bikes, he finally found his own bike. He sat on his motorcycle in a good ten minutes, as the other patrons left. He turned his lights on, then off, and again on and off. He started his engine and pull forward into the grass, then stopped. Finally, he pulled out onto the road and started to drive away. The patrolman, waiting for this, turned on his lights and pulled the man over. He administered the breathalyzer test, and to his great surprise, the man blew a 0.00. The patrolman was dumbfounded. "This equipment must be broken!" he exclaimed. "I doubt it," said the man, "You see, tonight I am the designated decoy... I haven't had a drink all day!"
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marc
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Posted: Sun Nov 28th, 2004 02:46 pm |
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| These are great!
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marc
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Posted: Sun Nov 28th, 2004 02:44 pm |
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| Guess we all hate those bastards.
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marc
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Posted: Sun Nov 28th, 2004 02:29 pm |
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Q) What do you call 2,500 lawyers chained to an anchor heading to the bottom of the sea?
A) A good start!
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marc
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Posted: Sun Nov 28th, 2004 01:58 pm |
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| Dave, ya got me with this 1. I was away for 3 days and this was the first thing I saw. Damn near shit in my pants.
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Vero Steve
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Posted: Fri Nov 19th, 2004 05:59 pm |
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| Well at least you could use those panties to cover your bike..........LMAO
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marc
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Posted: Fri Nov 19th, 2004 05:29 pm |
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| I could never get that drunk. I'd visit Rosy Palm and her 5 horney sisters before getin anywhere near that. Some may say any port in a storm but that is 1 port I can't imagine visiting. God, that is nasty!
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marc
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Posted: Fri Nov 19th, 2004 02:14 pm |
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Many Thanx Dave. Guess i'm still a dickhead. ROTFLMAO!
Happy Friday Everyone.
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marc
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Posted: Fri Nov 19th, 2004 01:54 pm |
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I figure Marc could use a hand here on the formating... Dave
Here is a smart kid.
Subject: Today's chuckle
The following is supposedly an actual question given on aUniversity ofWashington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so"profound"that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet,which is,ofcourse, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) orendothermic(absorbsheat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle'sLaw (gascoolswhen it expands and heats when it is compressed) or somevariant.
One student, Charles, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So weneedto know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and therate at whichthey are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once asoul getstoHell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at thedifferentReligions that exist in the world today. Most of these religionsstatethatif you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
Sincethereis more than one of these religions and since people do notbelong to morethan one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the numberof soulsinHell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate ofchange of thevolume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for thetemperatureand pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has toexpandproportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at whichsoulsenterHell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increaseuntil allHellbreaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase ofsouls inHell,then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezesover.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during myFreshman yearthat, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,and takeintoaccount the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2must betrue, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has alreadyfrozenover.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozenover, itfollows that it is not accepting any more souls and istherefore,extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of adivinebeing which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Ohmy God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A".Last edited on Fri Nov 19th, 2004 02:04 pm by Dave |
weasle
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Posted: Thu Nov 18th, 2004 11:59 am |
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| wow dave the test results for me were 100% accurate. LMAO
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Vero Steve
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Posted: Thu Nov 18th, 2004 11:59 am |
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| Nothing Like the love of a good woman or her revenge...........LOL
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marc
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Posted: Thu Nov 18th, 2004 11:59 am |
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| LMAO. Is Becky from Texas?
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marc
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Posted: Wed Nov 17th, 2004 07:34 pm |
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Guess I got to type the joke out. What a PITA but your gona like it.
Never Piss Off A Texas Woman
A West Texas cowboy's wife came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman. With super-human strength, borne of fury and cutting calves, she dragged him down the stairs, out the back door, and into the tool shed out back of the barn. She put his tally-whacker in a vice, and then secured it tightly and removed the handle.
Next she picked up an old carpenters saw. The banged up Cowboy was terrified and hollered , Stop! Stop! You're not cut it off with thet rusty damn saw are you?
The wife, with a gleam of reveng in her eye, put the saw in her husbands hand and said, Nope. I'm gona set this old shed on fire, and go to town for a cold beer. You do whatever you want!!!
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